DAIRY ENTRY: IT ALL HAPPENED IN SLOW-MOTION.

08:00 AM

Okay, my morning begins as usual as it can possibly be. I spend an hour or so taking a shower and going through my daily regime....

... 

^ That my friends was a load of crap. 

I'm in fact the worlds laziest sapient and quite a refined procrastinator may I add.  So you want to know how my morning really began?

"I'm warning you, this contains the authors account of her life that may evoke images of discomfort and cringe-ness "

TAKE 2 

11:59AM

"FUUUUCK!" 

I rip off the withering IKEA duvet cover down my shoulders and sprint to the bathroom un-tucking a wedgy whilst rubbing bits of tear crust. Upon entering my surprisingly well cleaned bathroom I instantly face the mirror, shudder from the pair of eyes and unknown person staring back at me and with one swift movement I've got my tooth paste in one hand and brush in the other.

5 minutes later... or more

"Mum, bye....I've got that interview later. Might be late!"

I'm running now! I don't care how I get to college but I can't be late... actually I already am but I can't be absent. My weekly pocket money isn't from mum but rather my college which they say is the instigator to good attendance. THEIR DAMN RIGHT! Its my only pay so i'm practically forced to attend school. Damn them - tempting our poor souls with money...

SHIT. Just missed my bus.

Did I mention that it comes in intervals. Meaning I have another 25 minutes till the next one!

Moments like these I wish 'Red bull' gave me wings. But that's beside the point. I AM LATE! 

I've decided to take a short cut. I've already crossed the road and gone through West Wood Park.

All the while I can feel a trickling sensation on my forehead- I'm sweating.

EWW! That's just great isn't. Notice my sense of sarcasm right there.

So I'm running - imagine it okay? Running at a fast but steady pace constantly lifting my arms every few seconds trying to adjust my backpack - but i'm running.

10 minutes later...

I'm still running, slower but i'm an athlete - kind off. But i'm fit enough to run for 15minutes, plus there's the teen hormones and adrenaline pumping through my veins.

Anyway, I can see the bridge now. Ahhh it only takes 5 minutes from there to walk to college. i reassure myself i'll stop running once I pass the bridge, so with that in mind I kick my feet up a notch and leg it.

...Towards the bridge.

There should have been warning bells ringing in my mind. Like 'Hey Helen, look out there's a guy walking towards you. Hey Helen there are stares at the end of the bridge. Or maybe hey bitch, the bridge side bars aren't very secure and rather short. BE CAREFUL HELEN, SLOW DOWN!'

I was too late.

I collide shoulders with the guy walking towards me, I swivel on my heels in the most awkward angle and in 'slow motion' I start to tilt backwards - as if the worlds axis suddenly went horizon. Realization hits me when I feel my backpack weigh me down unfairly making the fall come ever so quickly.

I'm reaching, elongating my hands towards this guy who may I add has the greenest eyes - forest green eyes I've ever seen. Anyway, i'm focused on him now to save me since my legs aren't complying.

So im reaching out to him now because he's facing me. He begins to raise his palms; I can see he's intending to grab my fingers. But he's too late.

I'm suddenly faced with the heavens and sky; instantly I hit the waters below and all goes black... At this point i'm sure I've been submerged into the palms of death.

Present 

Now I'm in a hospital bed with scars bruises, thin green garment, a borrowed laptop and an unknown number written on a piece of yellow sticky note saying.

'Sorry about the fall. Call me. 

Gabriel'

What the hell right?

Crap

0_o

The girl next to me wants her laptop back, so I have to go.

I'll post whatever life gives me.

Not a suicide note.

Last post wasn't a suicide note.

I made it sound like it though didn't I?

Its just a little more deeper than it sounds.

It has a completely different meaning to what it first comes across as.

But I am going through something emotionally damaging?

ARGGGH. Just read it.

Its pretty emo-ish right?

Ma Bad?

P.s : Its a poem by me. It's very personal. Take it in wisely and write your own poems guys.

I'm sorry mother I couldn't read in between the lines

Do you love me mother? 

Do you love me?

Like, really love me?

You say you hate me everyday.

You ignore me most hours.

You throw dinner at my feet.

You spit words of fire on my face.

You curse me with words beneath the sun in many tongues.

You labelled me the black sheep in the family.

You've spilled my attempts of forgiveness.

... and now I have nothing left to forgive.

But I am your eldest daughter mother.

Why?

Father, do you love me?

Do you love so?

Like, really love me?

You feed your son the love I've never tasted.

You spray some love to my sister who now sleeps in my room. 

You look me in the eyes whilst a storm brews and cast me aside.

You whisper threats in my ear.

You've spilled my attempts of forgiveness.

... and now I have nothing left to forgive.

But I am your second eldest daughter father.

Why?

Mother, father.

I am leaving.

I will go somewhere nice and peaceful. A place where there is no sound, no light, no love and no one.

I know you will miss me greatly but hate me maybe.

Because I am your daughter.

But you have both spilled my forgiveness till nothing remains. 

So I can leave you all behind without forgiveness.

And you will shed tears too with no forgiveness.

So we will part ways on equal ground.

Mother, Father.

I know you want whats best for me.

I know you have love for me.

But a blind man can't walk the streets without a stick.

Mother, Father.

I was blind. 

I didn't see your love for me.

I never spelled any love.

I never tasted it either.

I never touched the love you all shared.

It was too far away.

Mother, Father. 

A blind mans other senses enhance right? They're supposed to feel,touch,smell and taste better RIGHT!

BUT!

But....

...But I couldn't. 

Where was the love?

You didn't have a stick to help walk either....

^_^ 

Now I've walked into this darkness with nothing but bitterness.

Its not so bad.

I can at least feel.

Mother, Father. I hope you have a good life. Say bye to sister and brother okay?

Its too late now.

Bye.

P.s 

I'm sorry mother I couldn't read in between the lines